Thursday, June 9, 2011

The FAQs The Whole FAQs and Nothing But the FAQs

The 25 most idiotic questions for Airline Manager. Yes I know there is an official FAQ, and yes I know there is a "people's FAQ" that answers these questions, however, the answers I gave for the forum version were done with a great deal of restraint. The answers given offered some degree of information that can be construed as "helpful". The following are the same EXACT questions...with the answers that I would actually want to give...i would think these answers are ones that anyone would want to give...but won't, they'd only be removed by the "board janitors" which is fine...the existence of moderation on the forum is the entire reason for this blog's existence...and i'm ok with that...because what goes up here...can not be deleted.

To the reader:

The following is a list of stupid fucking questions, actual questions that have been asked on the boards...these questions may have been re-worded so that they made actual fucking sense...but the message is the same. This list is written in honor of all of the people that "troll" the boards wanting to help someone that's worth helping. This list is meant to not under any circumstances attempt the solutions offered. The answers contained are in no way supposed to assist anyone with the progression of their game in Airline Manager...that being said...should you actually attempt any of the're a fucking moron.

On to the questions:

Q1: "How can I get more pax points?"
A1: What kind of a fucking question is this? you can EARN them or you can BUY them. you can EARN them simply by playing this game...nothing more. There isn't a certain aircraft or a certain route...there isn't a certain time or certain's fucking random...PAX POINTS are not required to play this game...they are bait to take your fucking money and feed the want a business jet...the dev wants want an extra 100 routes...the dev wants cable's give and give your money to the dev and he takes it. The idea is that you BUY them...but if you want to be a cheapskate fucktard and get something for won't be getting the "something" very fast.

Q2: "Can we make/form alliances?"
A2: What? you mean like "make teams?" are you incapable of attaining success on your own? or do you feel that you're "dev's gift to the AM community" and have some "secret strategy" to "win" this game that you feel makes you a desirable teammate? Just like in grade one wants to be your one wants you on their're not's not that no one likes's just everyone hates you...period There's no reason to have teams because no one actually needs help playing this game...anything you can do I can do...and probably better and faster. This game can not be there is no competition, there isn't one possible reason why alliances make any fucking sense in a game that has no competition. Shut up no there isn't a reason...not one.

Q3: "My aircraft and route is listed in "RED" what do i do now?"
A3:  A route/aircraft shown in "RED" indicates an overbooked flight...this represents a surge in demand that you should counterbalance by adding a second aircraft to that route. If you already have 3 red routes between Points A and then need to create another route in the opposite direction "B to A" when you have 6 total flights between two points you need to upgrade the aircraft. once you have 6 a380s between two points that route is maxed out.

Q4: "How many stocks can i buy/sell?"
A4:I have no idea...but why the FUCK do i care what stocks you buy or've got a shit company that isn't worth the daily paper and you're of the idea that it's time for you to waste money on buying stock? is this "hedge fund manager?" and you can not sell your own stock...people can only choose to buy it. You're able to sell stock you've already if you're asking how much stock can you sell...well let's see much stock do you own? oh really that much eh? well i suppose i will allow you to sell half that much third. In two days time you may sell a bit more...but not too much, as you've shown that you have zero ability to manage and thus make your own decisions i will be the one to tell you what to do and when to do it...and well i guess i may as well tell you HOW to do it too...ready for your bottle? need your nose wiped? why don't i chew your food for you and spit it down your fucking throat you MINDLESS FUCKING BITCH.

Q5: "What is AM Trusted?"
A5: You want free fuel, free pax points, free aircraft, unlimited routes and money? Do you want the undying devotion of your staff to work for free and always be happy? would you like your routes to automatically launch on their own? do you want to have stock tips for company's on the rise? what about a 2nd hub? cake? ice cream? a new car? fresh bread? a puppy? do you want a MOTHER FUCKING PUPPY? well go get am trusted and see how much of the above you're rewarded with.

Q6: "Can one player give/loan money to another?"
A6: So...are you the one that can't properly manage money or is it the "i have a friend" excuse...where you refer to yourself as a "friend" to avoid the most naive of people from discovering that you're actually referring to yourself. You start off in this game with money and a free aircraft...the odds are in YOUR favor to increase that however fail to do so and rather than understand why you want someone to 'bail you out" you must have graduated from the "american school of business management" you run your company into the ground...and then you panhandle looking for freebies...oh wait you are gracious enough to offer to take a "loan" like you've got the fucking credibility to  secure a loan...only a complete and total moron would give/loan you money...but you're in luck there are plenty of those here...the only problem is THEY DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING MONEY EITHER! so NO thankfully it is impossible for one player to give away money...the dev despises the enabling of idiots.

Q7: "Can I sell/give/trade fuel?"
A7:WHAT? do you have "magic fuel" ? is your fuel in anyway superior to the fuel offered by the market? are you going to sell your fuel at a discount? Are you just so wealthy that you're looking for an odd and creative outlet to blow your millions? You're probably the same type that believes this game needs to be more realistic...well in this NOT allowing players to give away fuel is an attempt at being just that.

Q8: "Can I trade aircraft with my friend?"
A8: Who the fuck wants your leftovers? I mean honestly trading your "used up" aircraft to your friend because why...he's got a new aircraft he just bought that for whatever reason you can't just go and buy yourself? did they put a global game limit on the amount of 747s that can be out at any one time? I didn't think so, there couldn't possibly be a logical reason why this even resembles a good idea...anything one player has another player is capable of getting at one point. I guess you also want to be able to trade fuel and make alliances too right fuckface? yeah i thought so.

Q9: "How can I start all my flights at once?"
A9: Why? What's your hurry? what life do you have to get back to? You're playing a fucking game that by it's very design is supposed to "kill time" Why stop at launching all at once...why not just have the game play itself and you can check in from time to time to see how things are...yeah that's a great idea.  So is smacking you in the face but just like the "launch all flights" won't fucking happen, ever

Q10: "What aircraft should I buy?"
A10:  Do you really need another one? i mean you started with one what could you possibly need another aircraft for? Oh...i see you already have a fleet of 213 did you ever decide before? or did you post this question 212 previous lazy fucking asshole...can't you decide to do anything for yourself? tell you decide to wipe your ass after you shit? or do you ask everyone around you what to do next. If you've already bought an aircraft before...then you should already know HOW to reach a decision on what to buy next, if you've never bought an aircraft before...then it's obvious you've yet to attain enough experience in this game to properly handle this type of a it's best to wait until you fully understand.

Q11: "I just bought ___ and the money is gone but i don't have ___ give me a refund"
A11:  Do you have the original copy of your receipt? After every purchase an ingame email is sent to your inbox detailing your order. If you don't at least have your order number then you're just Shit out of Fucking's best not to pay for aircraft with a suitcase full of should look into aircraft leasing or a finance plan.

Q12: "I have the max of 10 aircraft/routes what do i do now?"
A12:  Nothing dumbfuck... Game beat the just won the internet. Now go back to watching the world pass you by.

Q13: "Can aircraft crash"
A13: yep...and they can take in some cases float...but most cases sink.

Q14: "I have one less route than i do aircraft where did it go?"
A14: Never heard of vacation? Maybe it's lost...have you tried to radio the cockpit? did it make an unscheduled stop? are you sure you actually even have a missing route? go look out the it still sitting at the gate? did you launch it...are you sure you launched it...go check again. close the game...spin in your chair 6 times and log back in...

Q15: "Why isn't cargo free?"
A15:  Any reason given to explain why...would not be sufficient. You're the type that has a "false sense of entitlement" everything should not only be "instantaneous" but it should also be "without cost" you have no concern for anyone or anything except yourself. Further...just so you know, you are not owed any actual explanation...yeah i know it's such a foreign concept to you...but it's true...though you feel as though an explanation is owed to's one of just so many issues that you're gravely mistaken about. In plain English...fuck you...fuck your mean nothing to no one...your agreement with cargo being a "pay for option" is not required nor desired. No one cares that YOU think it should be free...the "powers that be" obviously thought otherwise.

Q16: "Changing/adding ______ would make this game more realistic you should do this to make it better"
A16: does this game no longer entertain you as it is? then one's forcing you to play and i honestly don't believe anyone expects you to play in spite of your disdain for the game in it's current're under no contractual obligation to continue your efforts and you're free to stop playing at anytime...i stopped months ago and i'm still breathing and still quite happy...maybe quitting would do you some good...allow you to know that the world outside your grandma's basement exists. Although maybe you should instead build your own "realistic" airline game and see just how many people like your vision of what "fun" is.

Q17: " I created a 10km route, why does it take an HOUR?"
A17:  How long are you expecting it to take? if you think you can fly that route faster than fire your fucking pilots and do it your damn know the saying "if you want something done right..." What i find even more disturbing than the flight that you've got the availability to launch flights so frequently...that an "hour" long route takes up too much time...that's scary...i actually pity that's a lie, i have no pity for the stupid.

Q18: "my staff are earning ____ which is so unrealistic fix this please to make it affordable"
A18:good for them...they work for a company that has a "pushover" for a boss...they "whine" for a bit and you give in...but rather than read the boards on how to deal with thought you could fix it yourself...assuming you're right is a dangerous decision. Now you're paying the price for your assumption (literally) don't you feel stupid...all of this could have been avoided if you'd just done a little light reading...or at least planned ahead, the game obviously has you out of your depth...if you thought this would be "hard like farmville" you're sadly mistaken. But cheer up there are 9 year olds that are playing this game superbly.

Q19a/b: "How do i add a stop to a route?" "where is the "auto launch" button?"
A19 a/b: put don't add a one in AM likes them, the international coalition for commercial airlines agreed that all flights would be "nonstop" perhaps if you'd attended a meeting you could have voted otherwise. The "auto launch" button it's located on the "fuck you" tab which is on the settings page under "advanced" this is also where you set your price for fuel and tickets, where you schedule the times you want to buy advertising automatically...oh you...i was dreaming none of that shit exists...this is a game designed for interaction...not delegation and automation.

Q20: "my favorite aircraft that my dad flies isn't listed how can this be added so he'll be proud of me?"
A20:  We are well aware of your sentimental ties to said aircraft...and due to this strong emotional bond we intentionally omitted said aircraft from the catalog. We enjoy keeping that which you desire most from ever being attained and will periodically dangle the possibility of it being added, however please know that the moment you quit the game this aircraft will be made available at no cost, further this aircraft will come without any instrumentation or engines and be impossible to assign to any route. This aircraft will offer shelter to hundreds of birds and rodents, and will be a monument to the short comings in aviation history. Thank you for your interest in this aircraft and we look forward to inviting the homeless from around the world to come and not only explore but also defecate in the hull.

Q21a/b: "Why do all routes cross the Atlantic...that's not realistic!" and "this city is listed but in the wrong place...please move it"
A21a/b:  Simply to beg the question "why" you see there was an awesom 3D interactive map that uses google earth as it's base...aircraft icons with their routes were superimposed on this awesome map and moved in real time...further there was a "game map" that showed the routes and aircraft of every player in the game...zooming in close enough allowed you the player to see inside the window at the various passengers. Each aircraft was expertly recreated in wonderful 3d high definition. AM Trusted players were able to assume command of any aircraft at any point and actually FLY! however, after careful consideration the developer thought it would be better to simply use a still image with white lines for the routes and round dots for the one needs all that fancy shit...this is an airline MANAGER game and in REAL LIFE airline managers can't do all of the above...they have a simple little 2d map with lines and dots...and are not concerned with seeing anything in 3d or real time.

Q22: "How do i do a c check"
A22: Before doing a "c check" the airline manager must first approve the "a and b" checks as well...then you click on the maintenance tab and click on the wrench icon as fast as you can before time expires, doing so you earn a pax point bonus and free beer...letting time expire you lose the aircraft and your entire maintenance department is executed. thankfully c checks are optional and can be avoided

Q23: "Which engine should I choose?"
A23: You don't choose the fucking engine...the engine chooses you.

Q24: "Which jet is the business jet? I bought them all and still no achievement!"
A24: The achievement is awarded to those that are nominated for can go buy a business jet, but that doesn't mean you get the achievement. The biz jet achievement is a status symbol held by those only in the highest's an elite group of players that have displayed some unique characteristic and are rewarded with this most coveted badge. Not just anyone with enough pax points can get the achievement...the achievement has absolutely nothing to do with the purchase of an aircraft from the pax bonus page...none

Q25: "Should I start over?"
A25:Oh ye of little faith...asking this question is just begging for an answer to the affirmative. But i answer "no" you shouldn' should just fucking quit...spare the community the embarrassment of repeating failure and go back to cafe world. so just stop playing...don't restart...don't continue...don't believe you can do better the next time around. Stop while you're behind...restarting will not get you out of the hole of despair you're currently in.

Bonus Questions

The following questions have been asked...but since there was not possible way to answer them with anything helpful i held them for use on the blog rather than try and "pussyfoot" around on the boards.

Tea Party Airlines asked
"What is TOS...and why was my last fucking post deleted?"

TOS...the acronym used more often on the boards than "LOL" means "Terms of Service" this is the long list of "no nos" that has been created  by the developer as the "law of the land" their enforcement is the unfortunate job of the moderators...Interpretation of this "do not do list" is key to the continuation of my fun on the boards. As long as i'm able to successfully understand the intent and meaning of this list...i will continue to avoid violation of the ToS...some people are not able to properly comprehend the meanings...and inject their bias opinion of them...well as much as WKA "blesses their little cotton socks" these fucks don't have a prayer...they lose everytime...either to me...or to the "post removal" button.

Burrows and EasyBitch asked

"Why is BFA so horrible/ it because i'm new here?

Being new has nothing to do with it...there are plenty of new players that any of my interaction with them could not be interpreted as "mean/horrible" pang is one of them that i'm aware that still plays...there are others  vadoy, tell, others (you know who you are) as with many things in this game and life defining "mean" or "horrible" is relative...i personally do not believe i've ever been mean in my entire time on this board...i also believe that there isn't a person out there that just read that statement believes it either. On the boards i say things nearly exactly how i think them...although i do have to be a bit creative when "things heat up" but the message conveyed is clear...i have always believed in "effective communication" making clear concise points is paramount. However all of that said, there are players that are "new" that make it rather easy for me to make targets out's no secret that i "hunt stupid" and while i can not eradicate the idiots from the world...i will make all efforts to do so from this game (the endless battle that keeps me here :P )

Finally the "fuel"'s not a question that pops it's a "statement of abundant obviousness"

the "fuel is ___ buy it now"

authoring posts such as not only unnecessary but annoying. There is not one player in this game that isn't able to know the EXACT price of fuel at any given moment at just the click of a mouse...none...and most every player has the ability to "predict" when fuel will be a certain price...the mystery of this game is GONE...and has been for a long time. Every possible exploit/strategy/hint has been given...the wealth of knowledge has been dispensed and is "on tap" for anyone looking to "fill a glass" but making a post about the current price of fuel is only relevant for ONE HOUR...ONE...that's it! It in no way is any measure of contribution to the cause of "helping others" anyone who relies on others to post the current price of fuel should be taken out back and fucking is yet they should be forced to strangle themselves (it has yet to be proven that "stupidity" isn't contagious) I'm not entirely sure why these posts continue but i'm certain that it's the reason why we have 3 has to be the most deleted post.

So that's it that's the fucking FAQs

Sunday, June 5, 2011

The Laugh

A weekend at work...why i have to be here to "watch" server upgrade progress...i ask myself that question...the only answer i can give while remaining completely honest is "to maintain the appearance of dedication" anyway...that being said i give you the Sunday Special Report

I've titled this "the laugh" because let's face it...if we didn't laugh at this shit we would sure as hell be's pathetic, is there a word that conveys a more severe definition of "pathetic". I don't know...i suppose that, like so many other things, is subjective.

Follow along because i'm about to just ramble, and i have no idea exactly how many (if any) points i will make...i'm going to estimate one...with an accuracy of +/- 1.

NEW PLAYERS...where in the fuck are they coming from? is Sig advertising somewhere? did he buy a national campaign of billboards and newspapers? New players...i have a love/hate for them, i mean i'm glad they're here, i just hate that they forgot their fucking brain or their ability to read and comprehend. However, the audacity of some of these new players is really rather refreshing, though it's short lived. I suppose i can't expect the stamina of morons from the days of old, proof that the golden age of AM has passed....however hopeful i am that another should dawn before my passing, rest assured i'm not holding my breath.

3 twig airlines...or some such bullshit name. Quite the demanding little fuck...on day 2 of his airline managing career the little bitch proposes a "free cargo option" really dumbfuck? you want free cargo? what a selfish request...not giving one fucking thought as to why it's a "pay for " option in the first fucking place? Next time you're in need of some petrol why not roll up and say to the attendant "yeah i'd like the free fuel option" or call your mobile phone provider and ask to switch to the "free usage option" afterall mum says you're should be treated as bloody fucking punk pussy bitch ass prick. You have no clue and why should've lived a sheltered life in the cellar for the past 37 years. You act as if you're owed something...everything really. Understand it's not that i don't like you, i just hate everything you stand for...if you stand for anything more than laziness and stupidity I would be utterly amazed and yet completely disappointed that you have failed up unto this point to reveal those additional pillars of character...because as i've said you've only shown two...and they're both crumbling. You then created an additional thread soliciting your "art skills" (great a fucking artTEEST) by offering to create a logo for anyone...where this selfless offer came from i have no idea...oh wait...yeah i do, you're under the deluded notion that you're capable of creating a logo that is actually worth giving to someone it kid, go back to making greeting cards and refrigerator art with your crayons and construction paper...i'm sure mommy still enjoys them (she's lying of course)

Polypropylene or're player #12,447 to request a larger map...why you need a larger map i've yet to figure you enjoy the virtual sense of pride and false sense of accomplishment you glean by looking at your route map with all of those little white lines going to and fro? you fucking must...I was the only person that actually offered a solution to your "problem" and you tell me that it wouldn't help? and you're basing this on your firm grasp of proportion and ratio right? first of all let me say this..."fuck you" i'd repeat it...but suffice to say i'll just say you need to read it again...slowly and with conviction. Your response was lacking in both relevance and entertainment...i mean honestly did you believe what you posted or was it the "best you could do" well sir if that's your best...consider this your notice that there is ample room for improvement.

Salad Airline

Some have surmised that you're not new to the if to suggest you've been on the boards before, confirm? or deny? either way it doesn't matter. Your "legitimate" question regarding the addition of more useless aircraft has effectively been answered many times before, perhaps not about the specific aircraft, but enough have requested similarly pointless aircraft that you should have been able to gather's not going to happen. Though i do remember the "vomit commit" being requested before...not that i care to know what the fuck that is...i can't see it being added since it will add nothing new to the game. Your belief that your question was legitimate is noted...however i feel as though it's my duty to inform you that your question was ignored because it was stupid...not ignored by me...ignoring someone is rude, and i may be a lot of things, but i'm not rude. You were given more attention than i feel most believe you deserved...and it was free, far more than the "2 cents worth" you've received in your fact i'd say the financial worth of that attention is damn near a dollar...a whole dollar...i'll specify and say a Canadian dollar. We could speculate on why various aircraft are in the game...and others aren't however it really comes down to one person deciding what should and should not exist in the AM world...and that person isn't you...or me for that matter. I suppose you'll just have to deal with this game's short comings when it comes to the meager offerings of the current aircraft model catalog.

Burrows...what started off as growing to be more in likeness...your spot in the darkside is safe and you start on Monday as it's newest member...welcome to team "WINNING"

OK i think that's the end of the ramble...if you're laughing that's "awesome" but if you're crying that's "even better" because either way you paid attention...of which there is no better currency.